Quote-able quotes and sayings.

[Tryitloveit]

I found a really good one this morning so lets try to make a thread out of it.

I'm afraid my wife will sell my collection when I die... for what I told her it was worth.

[kev1n]

I'm afraid my wife will sell my collection when I die... for what I told her it was worth.

I'm afraid my wife will kill me if I tell her what my collection is worth!

[Alimorris]

Thank goodness my collection is worth more than my ex-wife.

[adamwest]

I don't get it?

[Tryitloveit]

I don't get it?

The point was for people to post their own quote-able quotes.

Heres another to keep this going.

I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure. -Mark Twain

[AFKAN]

My favourite of Twain...

A good walk spoiled

[Paradox]

Never criticise a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes.


Because then you're a mile away from him......and you have his shoes.

[Tryitloveit]

Never criticise a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes.


Because then you're a mile away from him......and you have his shoes.

I also like that one

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

[Mark76]

MURPHY'S LAWS AND OTHER OBSERVATIONS


Murphy's Laws

1. If anything can go wrong, it will.
2. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the first one to go wrong.
3. If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
4. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
5. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
6. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
7. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
8. Mother nature is a bitch.



O'Toole's Commentary On Murphy's Laws

- Murphy was an optimist.



Forsyth's Second Corollary To Murphy's Laws

- Just when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in.



Weiler's Law

- Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.



The Laws Of Computer Programming

1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
2. Any given program costs more and takes longer each time it is run.
3. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
4. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
5. Any given program will expand to fill all the available memory.
6. The value of a program is inversely proportional to the weight of its output.
7. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.



Pierce's Law

- In any computer system, the machine will always misinterpret, misconstrue, misprint, or not evaluate any maths or subroutines or fail to print any output on at least the first run through.



Corollary To Pierce's Law

- When a Compiler accepts a program without error on the first run, the program will not yield the desired output.



Addition To Murphy's Laws

- In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right... something is wrong.



Osborn's Law

- Variables won't; constants aren't.



Lubarsky's Law Of Cybernetics Entomology

- There's always one more bug.



Troutman's Postulate

1. Profanity is the one language understood by all programmers.
2. Not until a program has been in production for six months will the most harmful error be discovered.
3. Job control cards that positively cannot be arranged in improper order will be.
4. Interchangeable tapes won't.
5. If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, an ingenious idiot will discover a method to get bad data past it.
6. If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent systems will malfunction.



Weinberg's Second Law

- If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilisation.



Gumperson's Law

- The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.



Sattinger's Law

- It works better if you plug it in.



Jenkinson's Law

- It won't work.



Horner's Five Thumb Postulate

- Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.



Cheop's Law

- Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.



Rules Of Accuracy

- When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.



Pudder's Law

1. Anything that begins well ends badly.
2. Anything that begins badly ends worse.



Westheimer's Rule

- To estimate the time it takes to do a task: estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by two and change the unit of measure to the next highest unit. Thus, we allocate two days for a one hour task.



Stockmayer's Theorem

- If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's damn near impossible.



Brooke's Law

- Adding manpower to a late software makes it later.



Finagle's Fourth Law

- Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it will only make it worse.



Featherkile's Rule

- Whatever you did, that's what you planned.



Flap's Law

- Any inanimate object, regardless of its position, configuration or purpose, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either entirely obscure or else completely mysterious.

[Paradox]

Stockmayer's Theorem

- If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's damn near impossible.

Now that's a good one!